it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
