Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
