this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
