Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Randomize
