so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
