Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
