Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
it's great music for shaving your balls
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
