I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Terrible idea I love it
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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