UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
