i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
