better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
