with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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