so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
