remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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