Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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