I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
