Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
