toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
