take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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