Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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