Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
