Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
