Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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