Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
