i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
