Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
