it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
