he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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