idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Drake has all the answers
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
