she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize