Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just puked most of my soul out..
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
