Did you just see the Batmobile???
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
