just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
