There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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