Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
