Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
