Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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