he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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