it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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