Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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