TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
