I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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