He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
