Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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