Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
