Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
