32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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