I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
