Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
