yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
