I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
