she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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