Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
