did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
