The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
