so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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