I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
