Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You ate ashes out of my bong
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