is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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