I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize