My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
