Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
