I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
