Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
