i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
