The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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