the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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