I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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