She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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