in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
