His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
