Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
