you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
