i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
