She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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