You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
