The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
sex in a hospital.. check
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
