you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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