so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
