Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
