At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
