4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
