if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
