You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
