Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
