just come out here and I will go home with you...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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