I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
