Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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