fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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