i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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