whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
