So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
