is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
