1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
