I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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