Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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