I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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