If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
