i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
