I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
