i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
