I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
