oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
