I just made out with a guy for $7.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
