Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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