I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
