The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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