Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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