i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize