toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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