I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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