I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
