Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
