Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
