We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
