I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
