In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize