im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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