Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Drake has all the answers
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
