Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
